Call me when you're up
Great dream, you were in it
Whiskey dick.
Yea dude! Love it. Hate it. Have it.
Everyday of my life.
He spelled "beautiful" wrong in his text
The cop didn't care that I was peeing on the wall of my dorm building... All he said was, "come on, it's 9am."
she'd have to be at LEAST a cup size bigger for me to even consider putting up with her voice
are you aware you chucked your pizza at a girl's face after the bar last night?
Ever find yourself wondering if your life is God's way of telling a joke?
Check out this gay circle: I've now hooked up with my ex-boyfriend, my ex's ex-boyfriend, my ex's ex-boyfriend's ex-boyfriend, and most recently my ex's ex-boyfriend's ex-boyfriend's ex-fling.
Thanks for bailing me out last night guys. it's bullshit that everbeering people at bars is illegal. bitches have no sense of adventure anymore
I'm gonna have to kick a girl scouts ass...
He used the term 'cock-staggering' in an email. So needless to say things are going pretty well.
I just want a relatively mentally stable guy with tattoos and facial hair that loves Captain America as much as I do and will fuck me the way I deserve to be fucked, is that too much to ask for?
It's almost sad. It's like the Harambe of vagina stories really.
Protip if he licks the back of your knee and you reflexively kick him your game of 'lick the lady' is over.
Let me call you later. I’m lining up some office dick now that working at home is ending
Randomize
