im going to have to ask you to stop vomiting stars, rainbows, and butterflies all over your facebook statuses...
My life is like a Sweet Valley High book but with lots of alcohol.
i don't know what the guinness world record is for longest time eating nothing but skittles but i'm going on six days
I didn't know it was possible to make picking up dog shit look sexy.
She did the bend and snap...
Typcal friday morning so far. Puke, shower, commute/puke, coffee, puke, coffee, bagel, good to go. Lunch today?
He lasted about 30 seconds then said you can't win them all. But then he made me pancakes so it's okay. We shall call him mancakes.
Or maybe I'll just keep introducing myself like, hello, they call me iane because I need the D. Applications are submitted online, women need not apply.
In my defense, who let the drunk girl run around with a sack of broken glass unsupervise?
So I have to masturbate in a hospital. I wonder what kind of porn they have.
The part of "Dave" will now be played by "Rob." Rob, why don't you unzip and show Dave why that is.
he just sent me a dick pic, it highly resembled a cheese stick
I like it here so far, only people are a lot less accepting of my terrible decisions and it's cramping my style
I'm drinking apple juice and champagne while watching crossroads..like the classy bitch that i am.
Can I make sure all my sluttiness goes to you when I die? You're the only person I know who'll make use of it
we went outside for a smoke and when we came back in you were ptfo on the floor holding the phone to your ear. Pizza pizza was on the line.
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