Remind me to tell you about the dream where im a fighting a super hero whose only weakness is sunkist.
2 v-cards in one night. impossible is nothing.
woke up naked, gf gone. There is a cup of change in the fridge, a bird in the bathroom, and odie is drawn on my ceiling. I live in a non sequitur
My Mom printed off all of my Augusts text messages. Apparently I've been drinking WAY too much and having an intermediate drug problem. I have to go home everyw weekend for the rest of the semester
tell me there's a reason my bed smells like paint thinner
PLEASE. I won't throw up on the floor this time. Or fuck in the bathroom. Or dance on the pool table. So PLEASE.
I don't believe in coincidence. I believe in the stars aligning perfectly to sodomise me in public. Who ever said I was cynical?
You climbed out your own window and walked in the front door..
Gay bathhouses. They're actually a thing. So god does exist. And he doesn't hate me as much as you think he does
if it looks like there's being an exorcism being performed you know your doing something right.
It was at the same house, but a different party, when lesbians set me on fire. So there's that.
Best ethics paper a stoner could write. I called my professor Dr. Superfly Arandia. And I'm pretty sure I used "respect the hustle" somewhere in there too.
Shooting a bottle rocket from my penis was entirely justified. Twenty bucks is twenty buck no matter how you look at it
Is kiddo a correct name to call someone who you stuck your dick in?
I DEMAND FORESKIN
Randomize
