road dome is illegal, just asked in driving school.
Now i know why people get high. I sat in the same chair for about 3 hours and the only thing i worried about was how far away my chinese food was.
How many times can you lose to your mom in beer pong before you can no longer show your face around campus?
It started as a joke and ended with a trip to the emergency room, a broken macbook and a gigantic hole in the concrete of my driveway.
he was grinding on you and dedicated the song "I'm in Love With a Stripper" to you then started taking his own clothes off
I think they can follow the trail of blood to my house if they have a problem with me taking a dip in their hot tub last night b4 stepping on a broken bottle
Can we play rock paper scissor shot again? I want to black out in 15 minutes or less...
Sorry there's no emoticon for I got my period all over a guy's bed so I had to improvise. There isn't even a bed one
They let me close the tennis center alone. It's a 6-minute drive from 2 of my booty calls. Scratch tennis court bj off the bucket list.
Had to go see my sisters new baby this morn in the clothes I wore to the rave last night. Still drunk. Almost dropped it. I'll be a good aunt right?
I won't be able to get a boner for a month
Challenge accepted.
You might be at the point of severe desperation when you gotta hold the two pieces of your broken vibrator together just to get off.
I touched a dick in church today
I just want to smoke weed and be the little spoon all winter. My modern day hibernation.
I’ve gone two rounds already this morning and I’m ready for a third. The moon is in the house of sluticus hornius.
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