evidently tequilla and lady gaga make me flirt and grind shamlessly with other men infront of my boyfriend.
I just got a ticket for shitting on a sand dune.
I can't ever handle being "that girl" again. At least not until next semester.
She uses my penis to point at the tv when we talk about the shows. I love her
and i'm pretty sure he drank the lava lamp
Ethically speaking on a scale from 1 to morally wrong, how wrong would it be to give babies ambien? Hypothetically speaking.
He had a 99.9% chance of getting laid...until he started cutting down the frat's volleyball nets with his pocket knife.
There's a girl in the bathroom crying about something having to do with cream cheese.
THE VODKA TRAIN IS NOW PULLING INTO THE STATION
He jumped into a mall fountain. I don't think that warrants a lifetime ban or the disorderly persons charge, but whatever. Fuck you Pennsylvania.
Where the hell did you pick this girl up? She just licked my cat and stole our last poptart.
I NEED TO TAKE A FUCKING BREAK. MY VAGINA IS SMOKING.
I know you just got bad medical news... But want some moonshine?
I someohow managed to lose my butt plug in tne midst of moving to B.C. and I am not a happy camper.
I thought he was a lobster and that the moon was going to pull me through him.
I don't think I should try acid.
Randomize
