i can smell the iron from margo's period blood from across the table.
Deadliest Catch is NOT foreplay
just found more coke in my pocket. i love not washing my jeans after every individual use.
You proceeded to call me a hoe and then informed me that Bear Grylls is and always will be more important than I am to you.
where's my purse there's an important taco in it
Also, we just got yelled at by a cop for being awesome...or making out in a fountain. Whatever.
When we were done making out, some guy ran into the room yelling, "I'll save you Brandon! I'll save you!"
Is it possibile to sprain your taint?
She was that bad?
apparently i tried to facetime the drunk bus last night, that's probably why we had to walk back to campus
Drunk ass.
FYI your bra is now hanging in the hallway as a trophy.
What do you expect from her? Do you remember that creepy man she dated who saturated a pillowcase in his musky cologne and mailed it to her and she still slept with him.
you left your anal beads in the dishwasher
Guys are like someone else's baby; i'll play with them but if responsibility is involved i'll hand them off.
I wanted to make my beer stronger so I poured vodka in it. Why god....why
Turns out dignity is priceless and Plan B costs $41.09
Randomize
