The shirt is mine, the pants are mine, the bra not so much
I JUST GOT MY PERIOD AND MY VISA FOR LONDON GOT APPROVED! BEST DAY EVER!
I just saw a commercial for "tickle me elmo hands" and I am almost 100 percent sure that at the end elmo said "yeaaaaa boooyyyyyy"
you tried to arm wrestle for the title of "mom's favorite son"
my 12 year old sister just told me how admirable it was that i felt comfortable going out with my friends dressed "like that"
A 20 minute car ride back to your car with the girl u had drunk anal with is the most uncomfortable thing ever.
My freaking DENTIST just commented on my hickies. Through the novacaine I managed to mumble 'It was my birthday' and she smiled knowingly.
Just induced vomiting to put out a carpet fire.
Everyone is cheering
THIS IS NO TIME FOR SHAME JOSH. JUST GOTTA GET IT IN. PURELY FOR LEVELING UP PURPOSES
Hahahaha who is sleeping in the garage on our beer pong table?
You don't know how badly I want to just hold you as a soup spoon holds a bisque
I'm just going to eat my milkshake, watch teen wolf, masturbate, and lament my inability to form meaningful relations with men who aren't gay
Nice. The Governor's son bruised my vagina.
That's going to be the title of my memoir.
I'm home, and it turns out she didn't get it all. still picking Oreos out of my pubes.
You are the ghost of drunk bitches past, present, and future.
Randomize
