Well at one point you put icyhot on your feet because you lost your shoes and it was snowing outside.
We had sex this morning and after she goes, " So are we going to do something for Valentines Day?"
its a vaginal recession for me, ill take what i can get
We're doing kegstands for my 80th Bday, so don't lose that muscle tone.
welp wont be popping out a kid with a beret. frenchie is gone and the mother nature showed herself. bilingual kid can be erased from the bucket list
Why would you hook up with someone whos known for peeibg in someones mouth
Things I Learned Tonight: I have no future in goat wrangling. Herding. Whatever you call the ridiculosity that just transpired.
I woke up to a shattered My Little Pony garbage pail, a black eye I don't know how I got and no one will look me in the face. Fuck tequila.
You are the human incarnation of a drinking problem
Basically one minute I'm sucking on her nipples and then 45 mins later we're at work and she's my boss.
What kind of terrible faithless God would allow vodka and one ply toilet paper to coexist?
Stop chatting and get in the fucking car. I didn't get my asexual ass out of bed just to watch you flirt and fail with someone you're never going to see again.
Afterwards I drank a whole bottle of cake vodka in the bathtub while he was bawling his eyes out. Hands down weirdest hookup I've ever had.
Do you know how difficult it is to masturbate with Christmas carols stuck in your head?!
i just used your hair clip to unclog my bong. i miss you so much!
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