I just woke up surrounded in unopened snacks
as soon as you compare a person to an animal, all sexual interest is out the window
I'm way too horny to be at work right now. I think it might be legally irresponsible to leave me alone with cucumbers.
Her brother is deaf.
no wonder she was so good with her hands
she has her graduation year in her skype name, it's like a constant reminder that she's jail bait.
We're not even buying beer. Just vodka. In pre-retrospect this was a bad idea but we're doing it anyway
I think I'm still drunk and I think you were in my dream (sadly, it was not a sexual bill murray one).
My body is like , remember when you wouldn't let me puke last night? Good luck at work fucker.
so he had an ashton kutcher Kelso haircurt. dude, we're in our mid to late 20s, I don't think we can ridicule guys for having hair anymore.
No lie. I was hooking up with a former football player at UT and mid-hookup I yelled "I'M FRATERNIZING WITH THE ENEMY"
I just bought us acid. I'm like the drug tooth fairy. Get ready to wake up with a sweattart of acid under your pillow.
I am just saying if Clark Kent walks into your life, you fuck him
He called some chick he used to fuck for cash to get food delivered to cheer me up
i was so unappreciative the bar was giving out sweatbands UNTIL I casually used it during sex.
only you would understand that I was talking from the perspective of my boobs
Randomize
