It was kind of weird
What did your mom walk in?
She flung her tampon across the room.
dude, i have to cancel tonight, my neighbor just bought a goat
they described our state of being as looking similar to a crime scene....you were on the ground and i was running around screaming.
I feel like passing out with my foot on your face has bonded us at a very fundamental level.
I hate having to put a bra on before I go home cuz I have to pretend I actually went to class today
Sadly he is straight as an arrow that is designed by a robot computer from the future with lasers.
This saddens me. Mostly because I want to see the schematics on that robot.
Had a dream I beat up niall then madeout with him while snorting coke out of a dragons egg
I just did the walk of shame..with a blanket and a cup that says i will out drink all you bitches. This was not how i pictured 25.
I'm pretty stoned, and for a second I forgot that I'm not actually Barbie and I was getting excited about all the fun we were going to have on my jet.
I'm drunk and I have your birth certificate
The fact that I am laying in bed on my stomach with an ice pack on my rump is a clear indication that I am no longer in my carefree 20s
My Sundays are fucking awful. Can't get a blow job.....can't get a win.
People try and tell me I never learn me lesson, well that's a bunch of crap. I asked for Monday off for Superbowl recovery based on my experience last year.
I was on antibiotics for a bladder infection and couldn't drink and you told me there was no longer room in your life for me.
I'm sorry I get my lefts and rights confused because I'm dyslexic. But, it took you at least 15 minutes to figure out it wasn't your room OR YOUR HUSBAND.
Randomize
