I need to find out who his wife is so I can fuck her before he gets to mine.
i'm laying naked in your bed you should probably come home
move.
Just had to pull out another loan to pay for that public drunkenness citation. I am so ready to graduate.
Woke up laying in the kitchen floor with a cup in one hand and the beer tap in the other. Guess I just needed that one last beer.
The night started going downhill when I set my foot on fire.
Apparently you can talk a girl into leaving the bar and coming back to your tent, who knew?
Pretty sure that I got the MVP of wedding reception... woke up on the bench in the hallway of a hotel and we did NOT start the night there.
The one thing I know about living in Vegas is the closest I'll ever come to being a father is singing the theme song from Full House to a garbage can while I eat an entire birthday cake.
He said I could pay him back in blow jobs. What's the going rate for those these days?
I don't know if this whole sobriety thing is going to work out... It's only been 3 days and I want to chug vodka
Do you remember using the vicegrip to demonstrate how wide your penis is?
Well, our assistant supervisor caught us on the back stairs...he invited us on a double date with his fiance and him. I guess our job approves of the relationship?
Whoever roofied me last night owes me a new pair of white jeans
Morning fuck and a coffee. ARE YOU READY TO CONQUER THE GALAXY WITH ME??
You’re welcome stay at my house. But, you gotta piss in the toilet
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