How can something that makes you feel so good one day make you feel so bad the next?
Alcohol?
Sex with a fat chick.
We have had massive layoffs this year, yet the guy who cant flush his shit seems to still have a job
I just found all of my Mary-Kate and Ashley movies. Can you say drinking game?
I'm pretty sure he told me he was sterile and I told him I was on the pill. The positive pregnancy test I'm holding in my hand right now tells me that at least one of us was lying.
Thanks for not stopping me when I decided to call my mom at 2 in the morning to ask her where I was born
Pretty sure God shed a tear when I put 15 singles in the collection plate.
Showering in my swimsuit in hopes of getting the beer smell out.
she slipped a pinky in my ass. Not sure if I came because I liked it or if I was terrified by it.
No one parties like Jon. He once stole a cops hat, ran like the wind, partied all night with it, and dropped it off at the station the next day with a box of donuts as an appology.
I'm basically flying you out for a long weekend of sex and going to the zoo
I'm cool with that
How do I go about this? "Hey, its my birthday in 40 minutes. Would you like to come over for some sex? Also, please bring snacks"?
It was so small.
Tiny. Got to love sexting. Imagine finding out the old fashioned way.
Went to put my shoe on and asked myself why I left a sock in it. I didn't. Needless to say I found our used condom.
I didn't have cash to pay cover at the bar, so I traded the bouncer a Krispy Kreme doughnut i had in my purse
The cl.oudds are foaming a really big pen.Is OMG.
Randomize
