Rock
Scissors
Fuck
my hippie aunt just sent me some brownies with a note saying not to eat them under any circumstances until finals are over. excited.
I wish we were homeless so drinking on the streets was acceptable.
No no no. When you take one for the team, there are no stipulations or conditions
He makes this seasoned whore feel like a novice. I've met the one.
I made a Russian puke. I outdrank a Russian. I am unstoppable.
At 27 it's no longer called 'slutty', it's called having a healthy sex life...
Ok thats it i need a list. Full names, nicknames, in which frats, with a photo, of all the guys youve hooked up with because three of the same guys is ridiculous
PENIS EMOJIS WOULD MAKE MY LIFE SO MUCH EASIER GAH WHY DOES THE WORLD HATE ME
Just got a blow job from a woman on a ski slope. She said ski'ing frightens her and giving head calms her down. Glad I could help ma'am!
I just don't understand why your parents aren't supporting your dreams of being a medieval weapon smith.
1. Everyone on the 1st and 3rd floor heard you. 2. The 3rd floor vibrates when we have sex. 3. The 1st floor can hear the bed squeak.
Awesome. I did a rain go away dance. And it went away. Nbd just cotrollin the weather with my mind and sweet dance moves
I love when Facebook suggests people I may know. Well, yeah, I know him. He's my drug dealer. Pretty sure I want to keep that relationship strictly professional.
I apparently ooze single. The second I left his house after break up sex five of my old booty calls text me
Randomize
