your butthole totally puckers for the ginge
there's a taquito in the driveway. If it's not yours I'm going to eat it.
you spent the like half the night trying to figure out the puzzles on the back of the captn crunch box
You totally left a blue butt print on our banister
Well I think we can all agree that that's better than then bowl of puke I left last time.
The baby slept soo good last night. Its like he knows the importance of me being intoxicated all weekend.
Omg calling you in 10 to update you on who I peed on last night
BTW, it's bullshit to say that not doing a shot is unpatriotic. You know how I fall for that.
Like wrapping my dick in silk, wrapping that in velvet, and putting it in a cloud. A warm, tight, wet cloud.
why do all the dudes in this porno look like billy ray cyrus
I apologize for tapping your ass. It was a friendly tap. Like Casper. Ya know
My sister texted me to say she just found a corn on the cob in her purse from last night. You need to party with us more.
Pretty sure I was impersonating Rihanna when I kept asking him what my name was while we were making out
He started making out with my boobs. I didn't know whether to be proud of my boobs or ashamed of my mouth.
man my uterus needs to drop the egg or GTFO, BUUUSHIT
your phone died, so you started bawling in the bar
yeah that sounds like me
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