So I just walked into the bathroom, and there was this kid, talking to his mom, while taking a shit. I flushed the toilet next to him and heard him say into the phone, "No, I'm not. I'm in my dorm."
Ever got a vibrator stuck in ur hair? Is worse that getting ur hairbrush stuck.
...well that sucks.
girls just need to accept the fact that i'm going to make out with their boyfriends
Seriously... There's something wrong here. I'm drinking vodka to mask the smell of chocolate on my breath before I get home and he finds out. I fucking hate couple dieting...
Youre at medical school. Im eating raw cookie dough, pickles, and orange juice. Naked. On a monday afternoon. I clearly make better life choices than you.
he just came in and straightened the chair and left again
I think I'm getting too used to throwing up in the reception trash can. It doesn't even phase me anymore
gave him road head on the way to his grandparents house. purposely didn't let him finish, the sexual tension over turkey was indescribable.
dude she got out of bed and definitely took a shit then checked her stomach out in the mirror and whispered "well that probably took off five pounds"
I need to pay that drinking in public ticket, but I also really want to get a spray tan next week... so priorities.
Totally forgot I asked the cop for a theoretical fist bump and he still let me drive away
doing the walk of shame back to your house in nothing but a bed sheet was definitely not one of my proudest moments..
Just licked cheese from my hot pocket off my phone. I spilled because I was eating a Popsicle at the same time. Send an adult please
I need vodka mixed w a bit of holy water right now
Jello shots? I thought you weren't drinking tonight.
Im not drinking im slurping
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