I think I speak chipmunk. Odd.
Are you high?
No. That's why it's odd
we're taking a shot everytime we receive a "Happy Thanksgiving!!!!!" mass text. up to 7 since 10am. God help us.
You came back with puke all over your sweatshirt and started doing darth vader impressions
Dude, he sent me a pic of his dick. I thought dating a married man wouldn't remind me so much of high school. Seriously.
I swear they were about to hook up!!
I know because I was in the tub taking an imaginary silent bath. They stopped cuz I gagged on my shot.
So yeah never trust sex tips from yahoo answers
It's like, "you literally have no idea who i am but i definitely slept with your brother in your bed."
My last google search is "how to build a flamethrower"
Yeah, but he has adorable dimples and dimples talk me into things.
have you ever seen all dogs go to heaven this is important
Their children would look like the Michelin man and smell like chef Boyardee
No. I'm sorry but once your "would go gay for" list exceeds five people, you're bi. Get over it.
Two old ladies openly mocked me this morning at drunk breakfast. Is it time to reevaluate my life choices?
I just realized now that I slept with him while he was still wearing the maid costume... I've reached a new level of sexual freakness.
Woke up at 8am and asked if she had coffee.... She handed me a shot of tequila...
Randomize
