two words: fractured penis. two more: emergency room.
It's never good when you wake up covered with burns
The only thing worse than cracking my rib on a slip and slide was having the doctors laugh when they found out in my medical history that I did this exact same thing last summer.
I may do that, fyi I'm even more sore than I was yesterday. It's like the ghost of your dick is still inside me.
It's so cute when the exchange student uses "blowjob" as a verb.
Unintentionally made him cum in his own mouth, and he just sat there screaming..
I'm wearing the jeans from casino night. Tell me why I have a napkin in my pocket that says 'dont fear me'? I'm hoping it was just a coincidence.
Probably twitter. Never underestimate a psycho girl with wifi
For the past year I have been the most responsible I have ever been in my entire life and now spring break is here and there is free penis just traipsing around my entire town. The game is afoot.
Well I guess I'll go shower now and wash all the stripper off.
somebody went from crying while watching Full House, to a full on emotional raging bull...I love this time of the month
I am pretty sure I just put SoCo in the bird feeder
Apparently I was having great conversation with this 48 year old on grindr & he was concerned as to how I was getting home.
I skipped the handshake and went right for a dickshake I had him minutes after I saw him.
So I have now fucked both my roommates...This is why I can’t live with men.
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