ya dads aren't the best wingmen
My grandpa is talking about laundry and he asked if i could run a "small hot load." Wow. I had to leave the room.
....ANDDD I just became confused during sexting and sent my mother a text describing a "porno-worthy cum shot."
CAUTION: TWINS DO NOT HAVE TWIN PENISES.
He stole her cigarettes and walked 15 miles just so he wouldn't have to wake up next to her. God I love being a lesbian.
He tried to cuddle with me after we hooked up and i just looked at him and said why are you still here?
I've just never had a dinner guest strut in, go directly to my bathroom, vomit.. then come out demanding whiskey and food.
She texted me shhh....im drunk, secret booty call...how could i say no?
An open call to all exes! i have a drunk text policy that requires i delete any and all texts after drink 3, however i have reason to believe i have done something stupid. if i have texted you that "I love you", "miss you" and/or conveyed any interest in getting back together with you in the last 24 hours i was belligerent and lying. That is all.
We're high and this subject came up and I'd like a female opinion: if you were a dude, what would you do if a girl tried to give you a foot job?
He won't let me go to the bars unless I can manage to get flip flops on.
Sounds like he's doing this for your own good...
THE CEO RESPONDED TO THE MEMO WITH HIS "UNICORN" EMAIL ADDRESS AND NOW HE'S APOLOGIZING TO EVERYONE FOR USING HIS PERSONAL EMAIL AT WORK.
She asked how comfortable I was with her while we were in the shower. She then proceeded to pee in said shower.
Why the fuck is there a goat in the kitchen
please tell me he didn't just scream 'i am the yiff lord' at the cops
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