You stuck the head of a rubber chicken you found in her house up your ass and then started running around her living room. Naked.
He didn't speak any English, but I think I caught the word turtle in there somewhere.
Why would he say turtle mid-fuck?
We had a race to see who could chug their vodka tonic faster. College doesn't seem to be working for me... I'm getting exponentially dumber
She walked home carrying a six pack of beer and someone elses cat
SHE BETTER HAVE BROUGHT BACK MY FUCKING COUCH CUSIONS OR SHES GUNNA GET IT.
Oh Brad. Your poor brain, always being ignored for your penis and crazy women.
I am the prescription. I can be taken orally or vaginally and in any dosage. This is why I went to med school.
Just woke up from a dream where I had lesbian sex with myself (a clone of me)... Take that, Freud!
i know i saw many looks of jealousy when i walked solo into subway carrying a cheesy gordida crunch after taco bell closing hours
I'm sure for most of the people, it was the one and only miracle they will see
Well I woke up and my arm was bleeding. And my blood is on the wall in the hallway.
Umm
No idea. I blame fireball.
Valid.
I just started the bonfire using a tampon. Who knew they could have multiple uses?
I just found a grey hair. On my nipple. Fuck you too, Mother Nature.
I would like to reiterate that I went to give lessons and ended up having a three way instead
Ok so I need a recap of last night...
YOU SPENT SIX DOLLARS AT NICKEL BEER NIGHT!!! How's that
She thinks I cheated on her 10 years ago in a past life lmao
Just did the "lost my phone, need #'s" post and I got a text saying "go ahead and save me as Ashley-DD because I know you will anyway. I think I love her.
Randomize
