If I die tonight, wear a V neck to my funeral.
you could tell him that chauvinism doesn't go very well with his gay homemade tank top
dude i woke up in a pile of chocolate chips. this has to stop happening
Nothing says "get your life together" better than waking up in a tub full of your own vomit. Twice. In one night.
I'm sorry I kept calling last night when you wouldn't pick up. I'm REALLY sorry I sang "You Oughta Know" on more than 4 voice mails.
I'm honestly too sad to drink and hang out with strippers. This breakup sucks.
Had dinner with my ex husband. The box of wine is gone and I'm laying on the floor in my wedding dress. Where are you?!
pre-gaming in the library. just gonna keep going until i'm too drunk to keep working and then i'll be there.
You can't be mad because the taco bell people like me and not you. I'm not the one that puked in front of them.
Just saw a girl duct tape a cigarette back together..I feel like my life is shambles for being present for this
he said good things come in small packages and I decided to hook up with someone else
I never actually go in the club. I get in line, hit on a chick, and convince her to come drink all she wants for free at my house.
I still have a little drunk in my system
I mean, it's a romantic picture of pubes if I've ever seen one
Getting a smaller wine glass hasn’t changed the amount I drink—it just means I get more steps each day. Cheers to health!
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