My mom foundout about my dui nd just called me to come home. I just took acid like 30 min ago. Wht should i do?
She asked to borrow my chapstick then said "I promise I won't get herpes on it"
Do you think my job would send me for a second drug test if i took a whole pumpkin pie to work for lunch tomorrow?
I think I just found part of a tooth on my bed... What goes on in here?
Are you also wondering how we get home after the party bus?
Home?
i sound like a 75 year old homeless man that has spent all his panhandling money on cigarettes since he was 12. that rough.
Seriously, do normal people actually get work done being this hungover? No wonder the economy's in the shitter
Also adulthood=replacing meals with bourbon. And not getting your hair caught in a fan.
Seriously. My vagina. Can we talk about it? It's gonna jump off this treadmill and devour my trainer.
I woke up on karas dogs bed. Lets evaluate our lives.
Will it be a clothes optional week when I get there? I have an amazing outfit of tattoos and toenail polish planned.
...and that is the first time I've ever wished fewer naked women on someone I like.
i got to his house for our first date at the same time as his dealer, so what I'm saying is I'm in love
just discovered a semi frightening wound on the side of my head that must have happened last night. if i die of a brain aneurysm, make sure they put "sorry for partying" on my gravestone.
I bet he’d be surprised by the epic blow job he’d get if he stopped talking about his wife long enough for me to get in the mood
Randomize
