dude chill. it wont be anything like your seventh grade birthday party.
PS, you're not being slutty, you're "making dreams true."
Is it obsessive that I keep picking my crazy sex rug burn scab so it leaves a scar I can remember him by?
Down at Ground Zero right now. So many people here. It's the most patriotic game of grabass Ive ever seen.
Hurry up and get here. I already announced to the bar that you were on a mission to get laid tonight. I have 3 takers.
So I paid for the taxi using pennies and hair clips, no need to thank me.
How do I tell her I need the lights out when I'm getting head because she and my mom share a perm color
I haven't been that free with the boobs since I was 19. I'm putting them away for a while.
If you insist
The one guy literally flopped my boob out. Yes I insist.
So ive come to the realization that my affinity for tattooed guys makes me the literal definition of tit for tat
I couldn't stop laughing at the fact he was cutting lines with a sears card. What 24 year old has a sears card?
As I came the Sportcenter app played that "dah nuh nuh" chime. Top ten life highlight?
Well, I'll handle this like I always do. Black the fuck out, make out with randoms, give out my number like candy. You know. Standard operating procedure
I just set my mike's hard down and didn't want it to spill, so I held my finger up and told it to shoosh. I'm drunk.
You cannot ask her to resend the picture of her genital tattoo to you just so you can show your room mate. it is time to end your relationship with the Captain.
Yeah well I fucked my ex on a sink last night soooo booty calls for us all
Randomize
