Any of you guys fuck a 16 year old again? Because our front yard got fucked over high school style.
Worst part was I had to fart super bad and didn't want to ruin the room so I farted in a pillow and threw it under the bed.
All I want to do right now is burp, puke, and fart. In that order.
she went home with me because she said i reminded her of paul rudd. remind me to thank him for his awkwardness
you started texting yourself and saying they were "divine messages from heaven" then you threw up on stacie's piano.
we did rock-paper-scissors to see who would find out if you had alcohol poisoning
peeing off your aunts pourch into the koy pond seemed like a good idea at the time
yeah, I said "hi, I'm the creepy old guy at the college bar" and she said that she like mature men, wasn't expecting that line to work
dude you need a shock collar for some of the things you say when you're drunk.
My face feels like its stuck between a ball sack and an asshole.
Admit it. It's a brilliant plan with hundreds of possible repercutions.
Understatement of the year.
We need large glitter to throw at people to signify our mystic nature
Fuck their feelings and their drinks they will get hit with sparkly confetti
Well, our assistant supervisor caught us on the back stairs...he invited us on a double date with his fiance and him. I guess our job approves of the relationship?
I don't want to be Eskimo brothers with your dad
No. It's going to be "I'm mad that it took you so long to get over here" angry sex.
Randomize
