If a woman tells you she has been pink socked...don't move forward with her.
she asked if mt Rushmore was natural or man made
i came out of my blackout when my grandma called last night. it kinda sobered me up and i realized who i had been making out with. should i call and thank her for the defensive cockblock?
I just found out that AAA will pick you up if you're drunk for free if you're a member. How did I not know about this?
Well he told me I'd never be a wizard, and so I responded with you'll never have a big penis. After that we both just sat there and cried.
i wanna pet his head its so fluffy. were gonna open a petting zoo
I just wanted to clarify that I am not bisexual and had no intentions of ACTUALLY penetrating my roommate with a can of bugspray.
did you find a tooth?
did you lose one?
Walked into my campus store carrying a pitcher of sangria. No fucks given. Also this recipe is banging.
You know you're baked when you feel your throat closing up from an allergic reaction to the pecans in the cookie you're eating but you keep eating the damn cookie.
He kept telling me Te Amo last night. Over and over. And that he was scared. Drunkenly. In Spanish.
I gave him head while despicable me 2 played in the background. I think I disappointed the minions
Happy hour crawl turned into power happy hour turned into tequila shots turned into I'm drunk in class on Cinco de Mayo at 7 am.
I need to stop waking up with no pants on.
what happened this time
I dont know everyone was gone and there was a bird in the room
He gave me a back massage while we were fucking.
Did you get that?
WHILE WE WERE FUCKING.
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