There's a woman at Starbucks that keeps pushing her stroller into me.
Punch her baby.
You named all of the cocktail shrimps and then tackled a guy for "eating Henry"
so im goin to clemson & my drug dealers goin to penn state. this is the hardest breakup EVER.
she sucked my dick to get the taste of the last guy's out. I need to find a new friend with benefits.
How many ice cream sandwiches is an acceptable meal replacement?
2.5
I'm a 23 year old virgin. I've masturbated in ways you can't even imagine.
Can you confirm that Victor fucked a girl for Jack in the Box tacos?
I cannot, but I know he fucked a girl for a Nerf hoop and a "Kingpin" dvd.
I recommend you throw your keys as far as you can in one direction, your phone as far as you can in the opposite direction, and hold on.
Fuck Sunday funday. Fuck real pants. Fuck the sun. Fuck Jameson. Fuck my life. Yes, I am hungover as shit sitting in my office eating bacon.
I saw an episode of cops that had one of my ex husbands on it.
You came in yelling "I'm el scorcho" and then axe can flamethrowered my dresser. Awesomeness aside, you owe me a new dresser.
I don't know who he was but he was covered up with a shower curtain and ate a whole bottle of tums
Something is wrong here. The birds are chirping and I'm not fucking you, I'm not getting head and I don't smell bacon. Why am I up this early then?
when part of the plan includes getting high, i usually forget how the rest of the plan goes.
So chicken strips and confidence do not you make you sober.
Randomize
