Something growled at me in your dark backyard last nt. Hoping it was my landwalking laser sharks and not Andy.
dont touch anything in my room. If its phallus shaped, i can almost guarantee its been in my vagina.
So I'm pretty sure I fucked the dept of homeland security guy on my kitchen table. No recollection of it, but there are signs.
you kept saying 'can i put my penis on the grill?' and it was all i could do to stop you. you're welcome, though
apparently there was a flour fight and couch sex...
just letting you know that jen either: wasn't feeling well and ate grass to make herself throw up or threw up because she's stupid and ate grass
The moment you realize you should grow up: you're snorting your fathers percocet script with your old health insurance card, while your parents are on a 10 day cruise in the carribean...
First booty call in Europe.. In Barcelona. With a German. In broad daylight.... Is that how they do it here?
I would sacrifice a finger for two more hours of sleep.
Everyone's going out for thirsty Thursday and I'm just like. Cool. Enjoy yourself. I'm gonna eat an entire pizza and watch King of Queens reruns.
Dicks are not precious.
About to go make a man out of a 24 year old boy
As I shove my ninth taquito of the day into my mouth...
Picking our battles
Lmao a dude who just got out of prison said im worth 10 cigarettes in prison...I think that's a compliment
Just had a threesome for the second time in my life. I don;t even enjoy threesomes. Too much effort.
HOW DO THESE THINGS KEEP HAPPENING TO YOU?
It was like I was gay for pay but except being gay I became straight and instead of for pay it was for coke.
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