i wonder if she gts uncomfortable walkin bu when she knows we all know what her pussy tastes like
i stapled my math hw together with an ear ring, too ghetto?
Dude I'm 99% sure I'm witnessing an e-harmony date at panera, prob late 40's, this is better than the movies.
The sign in front of ihop says "designated drivers get half off their order"
Just opened a beer with eyelash curlers... miss you.
Putting the night light in my bathroom cabinet was the best idea ever. Awesome for puking while light sensitive
He just showed up to brunch with one shoe and only the battery from his phone.
I told him I'd clean his cock if he ever sent my GF another text message. It was a horrific time for me to miss the l key on my iPhone.
Well we went from the roof to the stairwell to an air mattres. One day were going to fuck in a bed
These beer shits have taken over my entire life.
He has no idea I'm scrolling through Instagram while he's going down on me. I'm so bored.
PLEASE LET MY BIRD FUCK YOUR BIRD
For future reference: bathtub full of cheeseburgers = win.
My mom purposely got me drunk so I can stay at her house bc "we don't spend enough time together." I blacked out anyway, so we didn't spend time together regardless.
I think there is cocaine on my toothbrush.
Randomize
