his ringtone is the jonas brothers. get me the fuck out of here NOW.
I kind of wish I was already fat. So I could eat all I want and not worry about getting fat. Cause I'd already be at that point.
I mean can we take a second to high five on our sex life? I love us.
obviously he has no clue about college dating. it goes drunken sex then the 1st date
Do you know how awkward it is to call the bar from last night and ask if they found my leggings?
I'm still not walking right. We need some boundaries for "drink-or-dare"...
For future reference, the blowjob coupons I gave you for your birthday are NOT transferable to pay your friends for tacos.
He's like the unplanned child of drunkenness
Thought about you all night last night, then I fucked the shit out of my boyfriend. Win win for me.
Can you have a quarter life crisis another time? I'm trying to masterbate.
My roommate is fucking his gf in the shower and i really have to pee do i just bust in or pee on his bed
I just chased my hot mailman down the street to ask him out and now I am 98% positive he gave me a fake number.
He just flipped the beer pong table and set the ceiling fan on fire things are about to get crazy
College is really paying off. I am gonna be a great teacher. I just made a grading sheet for weed. This shit got an A.
Ahhh, beer. My second favorite breakfast drink.
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