Dude we got so high last night. I said "watch this" threw a goldfish cracker in the toilet, and laughed my ass off. We watched the dvd menu for 30 minutes too.
I had to use the resin knife to take the staples out of my tax return forms. Tax returns and a search warrant?
Last night he tried to put me in their garbage can and then sprayed me with a fire extinguisher in their kitchen...that house is always interesting
we were boning in the bathroom when her boyfriend came upstairs. I wish i could remember what happened next more clearly, because it had to have been hilarious
Well, at first I was really confused. But then I realized that he was talking from his penis's perspective... in third person.
Ummm I just broke my no puke streak at church
I can hear her moaning. I'm on some random guy's counter. He wanted me to cuddle but I said I didn't know how.
Call me something sexy & ethnic. Like jasmine. But mystical too. Like Mermaid Jasmine. And throw Glitter somewhere in there too.
You dropped my mother on the dance floor. She has a concussion. You didn't apologize. Don't speak to me for a while.
Don't masturbate while listening to Pandora. Just came during a buffalo wild wings commercial and I feel really weird about it.
2015 is the year I FINALLY ALMOST had enough dick to satisfy me.
The sex was so good I feel like I could run a triathlon, hit big at the casino, and defeat ISIS.
I described my life as a 7 layer cake of death
When I met you, I was just like "who the fuck is this drunk chick throwing up on my bed?" But I'm glad we're friends now
There is no rule that you can't be in a room with more than one dick that's been inside you.
Randomize
