I just ate a cockroach and I want to be a fire truck.
You stood up and started yelling"Free blow jobs!" because you thought people would like you more.
He really likes Obama...and Bill Clinton too. He said "I mean, how many presidents can say that they got head in the oval office?"
Soulmates.
You should have been there. We got drunk and threw a sword through his windshield.
im wtih 32a right now bc 34d is on her period. now i know how girls feel when their hookups go from magnums to regulars
It's almost like he dry humped the last remaining bit of good person out of me.
You guys don't happened to be dressed as gladiators, do you?
I tried to sit on a barstool last night...it was an open trashcan.
Every single item that was in my fridge is now in my hot tub. Please help
I'm really having trouble focusing on shark week with this erection
I think the 8 yr old is hitting on me and they just prayed for the salvation of third world countries
He did a line of coke off my stomach then flipped me over and smacked my ass. Then, while he was talking dirty to me, he told me he wanted to hire someone to clean my room. And that's when he lost his boner. Life is so hard.
Well I woke up and my arm was bleeding. And my blood is on the wall in the hallway.
Umm
No idea. I blame fireball.
Valid.
Monday funday. I brushed my teeth with antibacterial soap. hangover I did not have.
she keeps trying to brush her hair with leaves and insisting she's not high
Randomize
