and then he ordered a "diet and rum" like the most important part of the drink was the diet.
There's a show on the Discovery Channel about T-Rex sex. I think this just made my life.
Umm I need a rain check. Long story short is I have scabies. Research it if you want. I'll tell you everything another time soon, I promise.
..and it was like all of a sudden I could hear the sounds my brain was making
Its that time of week again, Bad life decision wednesday
He literally sends me dick pictures, EVERY DAY. SEVERAL DIFFERENT ANGLES ..it's like I GET THE POINT.
I'm using her two yr old as a arm rest while I attempt to feel her up. Somehow she is allowing it. How this transitions to sex should be interesting.
Only you would have to block the fucking governor of Tennessee from reading your tweets
I don't know. What do people who don't get stoned do?
I'm going to CVS to meet the Craigslist guy who is going to buy my underwear. If I don't text you within the next hour, plz assume that I have been abducted by a stranger with an underwear fetish.
Come here I'm naked
And I want mozzarella sticks
I biked home blackout drunk last night, but I have some memory of throwing my bike in a rage when I couldnt get it down the stairs. No idea on the bright orange puke in the sink.
What, so now you are his nutritionist and his fuck buddy?
I woke up naked in a tent. I was more upset that the air mattress had deflated.
What are you feeling right now?
Idk. I just flashed a porch 🤷🏼♀️
So not in the best place to do an emotional inventory
Randomize
