I love sluts.
I end my prayers with that every single night.
Stop bringing these fucking whores home with you. If I have to fight over the remote with a bleach blonde idiot wanting to watch the hills reruns one more time I'm pissing in your shampoo.
i just heard Winston Churchill in auto-tune. thank you nerds.
at first I thought it was funny, but looking at it now, it screams "dramatic" and "medicated wipes."
figured you should hear this from me. Your refrigerator door is way broken. I opened it last night when i was drunk and tried to climb the shelves. i got to the one with the mustard.
You should try cooking mac & cheese naked sometime. It's quite relaxing.
It was total unicorn galloping on a fucking rainbow awesome.
My mother just made an innapropriate gesture with a cucumber while grocery shopping at whole foods... Then she said "bitches love cucumbers" and all this time i thought i was adopted
im lying in bed trying to choke myself out because being awake hurts too much
I'm just that drunk tells people I love them or wants to set them on fire. Accept that.
SORRY FOR THE CAPS. I DIDNT CHANGE IT IN TIME AND ITS TOO FAR TO GO BACK NOW. PS IM SUPER BAKED
Apparently calling shotgun while getting put into a police car is frowned upon
I came back from England with a face tattoo and the only thing anyone can talk about is my beard.
We dont have cups... so were doing shots out of bowls like puppies
ok first of all what the fuck
Randomize
