After you pregamed and were plastered you saw the cop was parked illegally so you gave him a citizens arrest
you said you didn't feel like drinking anymore so you mixed vodka with your applesauce and ate it
I walked downstairs and there were 50 sorority girls. I wasn't expecting an audience during my walk of shame.
No more Irish car bombs ever.
I got arrested for "public intoxication". Fuckers threw me out of the bar into public... i mean shit they have thirsty Thursdays. And I get thrown out for self serve Sundays plus a citation.
i turned my shower on this morning and passionfruit pulp came out. how did you even do that?
The last thing I remember was doing a line in the shape of Texas
The narcoleptic neighbor conked out while taking her dog out again. Drinking game based on what the dog does and how long she's out. You in?
Need you on the dancefloor. Hungry and lonely.
In the last 3 months, I've slept with an ex,someone single, someone in a relationship, someone married, and someone divorced. I should get some type of grown up girl scouts badge.
Also, in the middle of me riding him, he said "I want you to dance on my dick" like I was supposed to know what that means
No, it's ok. He's Greek. To him I'm just a light drinker, not an alcoholic.
Thanks for bringing that stuff to help me feel better...you know, the water, the Gatorade, and the dick. You really are the best friend ever.
Also I just had a pointless meeting and the only thing I accomplished were my kegals
As much as I hate to admit it, some day ill need a man because I can't open jars myself and you can't 69 a dildo
Like I don't even know how to respond to this?
Randomize
