so the situation is a+b=c where "a" is how much you weight, "b" is my gravitational pull, and "c" is how erect your penis is.
If I ever start a band I'm gonna name it "Nancy Reagan's Vagina"
i just overheard a girl at the next table saying she gave up sex for lent
don't you ever do that...
I face planted right in front of a cop. He looked at me, shook his head, mumbled "freshman" under his breath, helped me up and told us to get home safely. I love college.
when im done with her im going to need you to carry me on your shoulders as i poses victoriously for all those who were within earshot
Debating whether the Plan B I had this morning would go under breakfast or lunch in my food log.
Dude random question. Where you with me when the vulture got electrocuted from the power lines and fell on the sidewalk in front of us?
The dominoes guy came back thirty mins later to ask me out. I guess he figures if I'm eating pizza alone I must have gotten dumped
We ate sushi in a hospital bed, then fucked in a bathroom while I wore a gown. Pretty sure she's the one
Also, next time I go get a wax, I'm gonna ask the girl about the innie to outie ratio she sees on the daily.
I walked past his mum on the way out and she offered me toast in a napkin "for my travels". Being home from uni is weird.
EVERYBODY CALM YOUR SHIT
It's a classy one I promise! Their toilets are cushioned an tier wifi is named hummingbird
I walked in the kitchen and heard her saying "We could have been so good together" as she caressed an egg with her cheek.
Bruh. You offered the cashier tater tots that you had stuffed in your pocket.
Yeah, and? She might've been hungry.
Randomize
