We made it safely. Thanks for the call though.
Great. Don't do shady things like that ok?
But he was like 75 and lives right near mom and dad. Not a threat at all.
Drunken horseback riding is the absolute worst decision i've ever made in my life.
I'm inventing beer flavored vodka. This raspberry shit makes me feel like a pussy.
no dont talk to me..because of you my bar tab was more expensive than my hospital bill
You're my spirit guide. This has to do with oatmeal cream pies.
I don't want the last thing I hear while alive to be Jesse's Girl
I just heard "I just let you finger me on Megabus, I clearly don't have standards".
I'm so sick
I would imagine. You did most of your drinking for brazil last night.
That and I think I got food poisoning from sharing nachos with that homeless guy..
Do you think if I tell the hot Santa at work that I want a sugar daddy for Christmas that he'll get the hint?
We've started traveling with Michael and Patrick so we can pretend we're two legit straight couples.
A charade that fell apart the second another couple on the cruse found Sarah face down in my box on an observation deck.
I think I fucked up my elbow when I tried to fight off the paramedics.
Well, I dont really know how much penis you have at your disposal so I cant be sure
I'm in the kitchen making quiche for my fuck buddy and his wife. I'm probably not the chick to get dating advice from.
Got to use the phrase "sweet pukas dude." My day is made.
Unless your name is actually "Ticfj" like my phone says, I have no idea who you are...
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