my sombrero is too big for the bathroom
We are taking shots for every green Lon-Capa box we get for the homework.
I got out of bed with her to go smoke a bowl with her roommate which was fine but I passed out when I went upstairs to take a piss.
Yeah.. she's probably not gonna call.
Be careful there's warming lubricant on the floor. I will clean and explain later.
I held a cracker & gaterade down for an hour. I feel like this will be my greatest accomplishment of the day.
They let me keep the giant cocktail glass because I threw up in it. And made out with the bartender. Europeans are so generous. I'm getting it engraved
when im done with her im going to need you to carry me on your shoulders as i poses victoriously for all those who were within earshot
That man deserves a slow clap... He defied the power of the vagina
trying to figure out what happened last night by looking around the apartment.
naked man under the piano. THE PLOT THICKENS.
His grandpa picked him up. Brought him to the house. And made him clean the puke off the driveway with a broom and a bucket of water.
Woke up in bushes at UT didn't know I was Austin last night
Are cops allowed to hit on you if they're in uniform?! Serious question.
You ghosted you're own booty call. Wow what a sad sad man.
The amount of guys I've turned down for you is disgusting... You better love me.
You were in the back of the cop car and told the cop to ask me if I got laid. Youre a dedicated wingman.
Randomize
