drunk sex in a shower = bad idea broken arm
He managed to light the Jello on fire...
I don't think child baring hips is a compliment.
ugh i can't even wear this perfume anymore. it just brings back blurry memories of blowjobs and regret.
Pre-drinking/conditioning my liver for this impending hurricane party associated with cat. 2 hurricane Irene. Be ready to roll in a weather channel minute.
I'm sorry I put you in the washing machine. I honestly thought you would fit.
We're gonna have screwdrivers in a cab at 4am?
Is that weird?
him being a republican bothers me way more than his coke problem.
On one hand it was kinda weird his girlfriends stuff was at his apartment. On the other hand it was kinda nice because she had great shampoo
It was just a Craigslist hook up but she wore sweats. Where are the girls with class?
I'm supposed to nail the old lady at 1:30 so I'll see you at 1:35ish.
I can't wait to get to LA so I can punch her in the face
I cant miss out on a half day of work without a booty call
Thanks to you I can't show my boobs tomorrow for the interview.
You came in wearing a whipped cream bikini what did you think would happen
Hey do u remember the time we used my mascara wand as a drink stirer?
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