at a bar and heard one girl tell another her tampon string was showing she goes i dont want it in anymore anyways. then proceeds to pull out her tampon in the middle of the bar and leave it on a plate. ewwww
All was going smooth until he pulled a condom out of his collection he kept in a Cheesy Gordita Crunch Box from Taco Bell.
Of course he got arrested. He was wearing a toga. Even Tom Hanks couldn't act sober in a toga.
Halloween has nothing on dressing up as as the INS on cinco de mayo
there was a fucking fire juggler. but it was ok bc i was in the kiddie pool and it was the safe zone
you know, this Evan Williams whiskey isn't so bad when it's watered down a bit and you're home by yourself on a Saturday listening to Snoop Dog alone in your apartment without pants or any plans for your future...
Also since my birthday I've on average fucked a new guy every 12.5 days. I'm doing an excel spreadsheet
I've literally never felt worse
My body feels like its decomposing
aha we'll just say that my mind was so focused on A Bugs Life that it was hard to maintain an erection
Half way through sex he whispered in my ear, " your the second best I've ever had" then proceeded to tell me to sit on his face.
she sent me a picture of dilf asleep in bed with the caption "what happened last night?"
We fired a shoe out of a medieval cannon. I know not where we got either one.
I wish I could take a screenshot of how things literally look from my eyeballs right now
I can't tell if this is a hangover or just a perfect combination of shame and regret
my downstairs neighbor came by to say he’s having a huge loud party tomorrow, handed me a toblerone bar, and said thank you in advance for your understanding
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