eating raw peppers to burn the taste of semen out of my mouth
you threw up out the window, wiped your face with a twenty dollar bill, and threw that out the window too.
did we at least go back and get it?
how else do you think we got jack in the box...?
Brought a cooler and a case to a parade. I'm getting dirty looks since it's 10:30. Telling people it's for the troops.
Dude idk, apparently telling two drunk chicks 'that's whats up' after watching them lick eachother's face wasn't the compliment they were looking for. I mean I was fucking hammered.
Wow.
I hope this doesn't become one of those friendships where we dont have sex
If i spent $300 & took that thing home i would hate myself today.
She's hidden vodka up her skirt and is riding a parking meter. Things can only get better
There are paw prints all over my ceiling.
the taxi driver actually pulled over to let us moon a house full of people
I smoked a bowl while he ate me out, you need to change your major to match making asap. You are a guru of love.
Do you think she will like "you don't have to swallow this time" gift certificates for Xmas?
The engagement ring savings account is now the strippers and gin savings account. What are you doing tonight?
I cried over the lack of milkshakes I've consumed in the last month
He's pretending to be my boyfriend so that my family won't bother us when we sneak off to smoke weed
So how does one go about leaving their family vacation to hang out with someone they met on tinder
Randomize
