hahaha! you have a girlfriend
tell that to the new girl at work who i screwed on the washing machine today...
All I remember is holding on to the elevator asking it politely to stop spinning
These shoes are like walking on sunshine and labias. So soft and squishy
Im only pretending to be his friend so I can sleep with his girlfriend.
omg i hate the new neighbors. why cant a bitch just be hungover in peace on a wednesday morning.
Thanks for buying me a sippy cup, its so pretty and everyone keeps telling me its probably the best gift anyone could have given me
We just leapfrogged all the way to the bar.
I got a letter from the home owners association saying its against policy to have sex on the trampoline.
Just had a horrible realization. I've fucked a guy with a webbed foot AND a guy with a third nipple.
You were walking away to pee and as you were undoing your belt you looked at me and said "the belt is off. the game is on. Remever that."
Someone came in the potted fern
We were ushered out of Medieval Times by a squire for making out in the torture chamber. Children were present.
Wtf is this place? I don't see any alcohol and I feel like we were supposed to bring our own strippers.
I just found a samari sword in the couch. I'm about to take like 5 shots and pretend to be captain jack sparrow
27 year olds can still do oral in a car right? Or is that trashy?
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