I heard some girl say 'yeah he mustve been so drunk he kept mumbling and repeating himself'
And I thought
Fuck I do that shit every weekend
Just got yelled at by a priest...again.
I passed out in the cab. Woke up to the cabby yelling SIR SIR WE ARE AT THE TRAIN STATION!! SIRRRR!!
it was average length and chubby
so kinda like him?
now i'm wondering if all guys are shaped like their penis...
I'm so hungover i just sang the alphabet to see if "Z" comes after "W"
He bought me a flower. He's totally getting head every day for a week.
He likes Jesus. Game over.
Oooh wait, he just told me he was high.
I don't think I'd trust a marching band with trampolines to not cause serious damage to themselves/ property.
I have discovered my latent superpower. If a friend is dating a bi chick they will inevitably try and talk me into a threesome.
Human centipede...with the teletubbies. That's what my nightmare had in it.
I don't even want to know.
He wants me to tell you "my boner misses you"
The sex may be the only reason I like him. I've confused the multiple orgasms for feelings.
My crotch smells like fire and I can't find my pants
You lost to your mom AND grandma in beer pong last night. pretty sure that constitutes a retirement from the sport
He stopped the gas pump at 69 and gave me my receipt. He wants it.
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