I had a long pep-talk with my penis that ended in "I love you, I'll try harder and I'm sorry."
You think the Elephant Man ever tried to pick up chicks claiming all his appendages were elephant-sized?
she sang that "this little piggy song" to my balls. and somehow made it work, with me only having two balls instead of five.
Everything smells like syrup. But I guess that's better than last time when everything smelled like beer.
Something smells like weed and I think it might be my mascara. Come sniff my eyes
I respect the size of her balls.
Yeah but I don't respect the size of her anything else.
I'm not sure if it was the 11 shots or your naturally vibrant personality but I recall you being quite noisy that evening
I'm at some strange place in what feels like Mexico, high and getting tacos.
I'm smoking a bowl with matches and a candle while my mother washes dishes downstairs. I thought adulthood was supposed to be different.
My orifices are off limits as long as you have that stache. Your call.
if i get arrested im counting on you to get a picture of it
Im sorry you'll never get the feeling of closeness when you go to pee outside and you realize you're peeing right where someone else just peed
Let this be a lesson to you, parmesan cheese crumbles are not a good substitute for coffee creamer, no matter how high you are
In other news, I’ve officially fucked a grandpa.
We hotboxed his bathroom. going to be a good night
Hotbox went wrong - smoke sets off fire alarm. Firefighters coming
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