genius idea. im gonna paint my penis green like the serpent of sex
He told her, Don't talk. Just sit there so I can imagine that you have the kind of personality I wish you had.
I still don't understand how I went from crying to blowing you in like two minutes.
just mapquested my walk of shame from saturday..bye bye freshman 15
For gods sake, I only took one. With two nyquils. What a happy world its been today. Fulfill your obligations and then its marvelouso.
I'm at work, and just realized I the beer smell I keep getting random whiffs of is my bra. I fail at life.
just cuz theres a goalie doesnt mean i cant commandeer the goal and become a way better goalie
Delete that photo of me. My ass looks WAY to good it in to be on Facebook for everyone to see. You gotta earn that shit.
If I pissed all over some chicks bed I would probably apologize for getting so wasted, not putting out, and turning into a god damn R. Kelly Cinderella... Not ask for coffee and a ride home.
you were angry and didn't have anything else to throw so you threw a breakfast burrito...?
Well yeah. But im not sure i trust the black out drunk high girl giving life advice
I saved a sauce packet from taco bell that said "Free me" to use in my next break up.
I almost just opened my door to get my pizza butt ass naked
Turns out dignity is priceless and Plan B costs $41.09
My boob job is like a master key that gets me in any door, any party and anyone’s pants! They’re magical!
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