got weed?
I'm really tired of you accidentally texting me when your doing illegal things. I'm taking away your phone.
sorry mom...
The cops walked in to class and arrested 2 guys for possession.
Woke up to a break up text for a facebook relationship I didn't even know I was in... 2012 is going to be a good year
I'll be there. With Doritos and whisky. Don't expect much more.
His daughter is our waitress. I left her a ten dollar 'I'm sorry I'm a whore and fucked your dad' tip...
I want to buy her liposuction. And a spot on What Not To Wear. And a face transplant.
I am both excited and frightened by the fact that this much everclear is legal here. Best vacation ever.
I must have some kind of deep rooted instinct that tells me when a boys virginity needs to be taken.
We shouldn't eat pizza in the pool
We r drinking tequila out a glass bottle and smoking weed underwater, pizzas the least of our concern
Stop touching yourself.
Wtf!?!?!?! Did you install a camera???
I was at the pharmacy picking up my herpes medication and the pharmacist asked if I had any questions about my medicine, looked at the bottle, and laughed. Insult to injury man.
Had weird bad dreams about you last night. Please tell me you didn't google my real surname and that you don't go to a needle exchange.
Some how my underwear was hanging from the antlers of a antelope head on the wall of the hotel........
Oh god I found a set of car keys in my pocket, and I have no idea who's they are
we have beer and we're watching the birds have sex in our yard.
Randomize
