Care to explain to me why theres a baby food jar filled with semen in my fridge? or why its labeled as unicorn sweat?
The 30 seconds of sex was almost worth it...I mean he did smoke me out and watched the princess and the frog with me
Tim said I dropped my taco in a puddle and still ate it.
Not many best friends can say they've all made out with a homeless guy
he handed me my panties in front of my date. turns out he wasn't that mad.
ME TOO. Am adrunk madr out qith. White guy. Guy de white. Blanco chico. Chico de blanco
Just discovered i ordered the nhl center ice package back in september, the operator said there was a note next to the time I called, indicating I may have been intoxicated while calling (no clue why but it was noted)...meaning I was drunk...meaning ill never miss another sabres game...i love me and am beaming with self pride
Who has the safety vest from this past weekend Additionally, who has the dancemaster glove?
COME HERE WE MELTED A CORONA BOTTLE WITH FIREWORKS
So...guess who had sex tied to the ladder of a caboose under the stars in Joshua Tree? This bitch
I just need to stop hanging out with girls who drink wine coolers.
Damn, well, it could always be worse
For sure, I could be a prison bitch right now. Thursdays aren't half bad
If a clean cut ginger with a flannel and tattoos shows up at the apartment, he is allowed inside.
So this is what bad decisions tastes like...
I'm just letting you know right now in advance that if I die or go to the hospital or end up in jail tonight it's because your kid sold me mushrooms.
Randomize
