i hate this light. i wouldnt even hook up with me in this light
I need to stop coming to work sober
Haha, just learned changing others iPhone passcodes is fun while drunk but not fun the next morning.
Jason Williams (yeah the ex-nets center...) drunkenly told me that, while drinking, I should take an ambien and a cialis before i go home...that will "give me a 25 minute window to have sex and then goto sleep before the bitch starts bothering me"....
Phosphoglyceraldehydration... why the fuck is this a word
On the one hand, she would be the biggest mistake of my year. On the other hand, she's here and drunk.
They had a "who can aim further away from the toilet" contest. I'm now washing piss off my ceiling.
Apparently i was peeing on things and marking my territory. I broke their light socket too. Needless to say im banned from their apartment.
I'm in Target and the lady in front of me is buying three Summer's Eve douches, a box of fishsticks and a giant bottle of vodka. The sad thing is I get it.
She left scratches down my back from her wedding ring. Her husband seems like a nice guy though, judging by the scratches it had to be at least a carat.
it was like getting a handjob from robocop
I just took a shot out of my supervisors unzipped jeans. Our staff parties are getting a little too personal
Believe me. As soon as the boss man is out the door. I am on my way to wow your vagina with my horse-like attributes.
Landen experienced Greenville for the first time last night. He was awaken by 2 cops and 4 EMS guys this morning in the bed of that truck that is for sale at the swashbuckler carwash, said he was trying to walk to waffle house... Greenville- 1, Landen- 0
But he's super into Jesus and I'm the devil. So we weren't meant to be
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