"I want to just tie you up so you\'ll still be here like this when I get home." Actual words.
"The real world" DC house is on the corner of 20th and S. Wanna come with to check it out? It's my goal to be a blurred out face in their hot tub.
New all-time record for most uncomfortable I've ever been. A midget just asked me to restrap his fanny pack in the bathroom.
I think after that blow job he got the other day he'd set himself on fire if I asked.
I like you as a friend, but I'm in love with your dick.
Thanks be to the Goddess of Whores!! I straightened my bed before Ken got here. Found Calvin's boxers in the sheets!!!!
I had lunch with him today and quietly mourned his wasted good looks on such a disappointing set of genitals.
That's just weird. That doesn't make sense sexually at all. I mean, you might as well tape a pen to the tip and try and write your name while you're at it.
Just yelled out loud for someone to buy me a drink, 30 seconds later random guy on grindr asks what I'm drinking.
There's a 98% chance your drink will taste like rohypnol
We had a threesome and he gave us bottle rockets and a lamp for our apartment
He was eating my ass and came up for air, I almost choked laughing because he had a toilet paper cling on stuck in his mustache
oh. oh my god. i just had lunch with my mom with semen still on my face.
you bet i'm gonna rock his four-foot-two world.
have you ever tried to puke in an automatic flushing toilet? impossible
let me just take this time to thank you again for buying pudding.
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