i'm all for saving the environment, but when we get into the shower to fuck, he shouldn't flip his shower hourglass timer
Is it just me or do I always seem to have cum in my bellybutton?
I should have some sort of frequent buyer card or something. I just bought my third bottle of Captain this week. It's Wednesday.
Fun fact: Antibacterial soap will not take the combined smell of bbq sauce and vagina off your hands.
It finally happened. My conscience stopped working. I've never felt so free
I just had to give myself a pep talk to stop lying on my floor. Literally too hung over to function
This is why I need to move out...so my naked vomit covered walk of shames to the bathroom are only witnessed by one other person who is equally as pathetic as me and the cat
I got a letter from the home owners association saying its against policy to have sex on the trampoline.
Just wanted to let you know it's 3am and, at this point, I believe your sister has more of my semen in her than I do. So suck on that, fuckface.
Just follow the currents of life. And if they take me on to a guys dick, so be it.
Promise me you will not let me do anything sexual with or to a mini horse no matter how drunk we get. Ever.
I'm sending him pics of me in my new lingerie telling him to come over and when he gets here I'll have changed into like sweats and a 5 year old shirt with ketchup stains on it
You're either getting fucked or a coupon to Friendly's. I haven't decided yet.
welp,tonight ive reached new levels. by new levels I mean,i showed some guys my boobs for water. on your tab.. the most pointless thing ive ever done. either we should hang out way more,or never again.
Honestly his girlfriend says she hates me cause she thinks im trying to get him to cheat on her with me...she should hate me cause i already accomplished that.
Randomize
