I almost hooked up with this girl last night. she had a tattoo of a cardinal next to her cooter. said it reminded her of her grandpa
South Carolina's governor once cited "moral legitimacy" when he was a congressman voting for President Bill Clinton's impeachment. Karma is a bitch.
Reason #3 women are better than men: texting and peeing simultaneously. Write THAT in the fucking snow.
Sometimes I wonder why I hang out with you. And then you show up half naked at my door with a half gal of vodka, and I remember why.
College students should never be allowed to have snow days. Never.
there's a guy pushing a keg up the street in a shopping cart. you have to love graduation
I would've been fine if I didn't do the three shots
You did like 8
Chill out, I'm getting ready as fast as I can. I didn't even masturbate in the shower.
Look, I'm just saying... paying ur respects to the neighbors who had a death in the family with food u steal from the neighbors having the cookout may result in a negative karma situation.
We haven't been trashed enough to shut down a bar together in four days. I'm starting to worry that we're growing apart.
My phone autocorrects "pooping" to "popping" and I'm like DO YOU EVEN KNOW ME??!
What happened last night and why am I partially covered in queso?
Next time I will hook the Xbox before I get high I spent 30minuts thinking I was playing the Simpsons game when it was in reality a tv episode
Pinterest knows I’m getting divorced
Reverse road head. Sa-witch!!!
Randomize
