I'm gonna cuddle the shit out of you tomorrow
dude i just saw the hottest 13 year old but she was kinda ghetto.
she looks like stephen colbert with that blond wig he was wearing last night.
I just took a shower and I feel like 20 pounds of sex just came off of me.
I'm crossing my legs while pooping. Taking a shit has never looked so proper.
You are not allowed to borrow my car ever again. It smells like a hobo orgy happened in my backseat with a hint of onion. What did you do.
The money is just too good to quit doing it. I'm using the same justification strippers use.
You know what it feels like? It feels like I'm in that prison from the dark knight rises. That's what being a virgin in college feels like.
She is currently expressing her joy for "bad to the bone" through interpretive dance...
Gay bathhouses. They're actually a thing. So god does exist. And he doesn't hate me as much as you think he does
She's too awesome to dump: she gives me great blow jobs and free Popeyes. You just don't burn a bridge like that.
Is it just me or is Michael Jackson blasting throughout the house
Ever since I got to LA my dream self has been having sex with way too many rabbi's.
I guarantee you he will only fuck with old bitches from now on
I shit myself and fell down the stairs and I’m still finding shit In those pants.
Randomize
