Incredible sex, Maddow, more sex, spoon, sex again
We traveled between two mile markers in 18 seconds. Do the math.
My relationship with VH1 is so bittersweet
my quiz for the book was only 2 questions and my one answer was sorry and then a sad face
Replacing day drinking with a real job was the worst decision I've ever made.
I'm in the bar bathroom about to pass out. But it's ok cause I set my alarm to go off for last call
Whoever I saved in my phone as "Jackpot" last night has your keys.
Last night after the bar I went home and ate a pulled pork sandwich in a bubble bath
Imagine getting a FB inbox "hey I found your ID on the floor of a bar can you send me a mugshot so I can get a second piece of ID made?"
While leaving the bar with another guy I told the bouncer I was sad his friend had a fiancee
You were drinking Everclear weren't you?
My night just got really weird. In a sit down stall bathroom at this nice resturaunt and this guy walks in as I rip a humongous porcelain-splitting fart. Well, I hear him stop for a second. He then opens the door to the stall next to mine, sits down and says, "player two has entered the game."
Did you win?
Doing coke by yourself isn't as fun. Even when you're watching a James Franco movie.
He asked if I was a pirate because my "arrrrrrrrse" was worth burying. 10/10 for effort, 20/10 for serial killer vibes.
Well I'm trying out this whole "not sleep with a stranger thing"
That's silly... just silly. And by silly I mean unrealistic.
Booze, boobs, blunts and batman. dude, I'm livin' the life.
Randomize
