I'm at the doctor and the male nurse (haha) asked me if I smoked, drank or did drugs, and when he said 'drugs' he looked me right in the eye and did a perfect wrist rocket.
Let's just say for some reason we thought it was okay to make a burrito smoothie.
I woke up with a flask of whiskey and a mason jar full of sausage in my tux jacket. south georgia is where i belong
Maybe my heart is located in my vagina
I actually want to hang out with her with our clothes on. That's a big step up for me.
And at least you didn't have a dinner of Ranch Pringles and Double Stuff Oreos. I forgot that part of being single.
We're watching a video in class about cheese. The scoring for it sounds like that of a Lifetime movie. My mind is creative. I've continued my own story in my head of a wheel of cheese that was raped and murdered. It's so sad. I hope they get the guy. Btw, the video is about marketing.
Just did a slip and slide down a five story staircase in my dorm. Being an engineer is fucking awesome
Just gave my pregnant cat a safe sex talk. That high.
We ended up at a lesbian bar and all my co-workers tried to get me laid. This is not how I envisioned coming out.
painting my nails while super high-drunk. Ended up painting my entire hands. Both.
Just spent 10 minutes washing away my own puke. This gas station lady loves me.
It's 4am & this guy is asleep with his junk still inside me..really rethinking my life
Putting plan B on my parents credit card wasn't the smartest idea
he kissed both of us goodnight when we dropped him off...I didn't know if I was more offended or impressed
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